lebanese-israeli dialogue

i woke up today and had no clue where i was. i woke up in the dual, muttering "...ein." i felt like i was on the go, like i was in a temporary room. flashes of past rooms whipped through my head. i tried to focus, feeling more the bleariness of my eyes than recognizing any of the furniture around me. what?! i don't know this layout, it doesn't recall any point of reference, i am still fumbling. i pat the mattress beside me, did i share the bed with anyone? noone is there. i hear shuffling in the lit area behind the door. i close my eyes and audition the room in milan, consider my roof in reken el-din, am i still in an arabic home? with a jolt i realize that i am home. i start to sob. i am not in beirut or damascus. i cannot recognize that i am home? i no longer feel that home is home? i smell arabic coffee in my head and feel the marble floors under my feet. and i remember that my brother has an early morning construction job today, in spokane. it must be 4:30am in washington state.

i begin to tabulate where i've been sleeping for the past week:
Wednesday: rented room in Reken el-Din, Damascus
Thursday: hallway in apt, Tayyoune Rondpoint, Beirut
Friday: children's playroom in mansion, Achrafieh, Beirut
Saturday: in transit (Damascus airport - Kassabji restaurant/bar - Reken el-Din - Damascus airport)
Sunday: b&b, village outside Milan
Monday: friend's place, Ukrainian Village, Chicago
Tuesday: parent's home, Spokane, Washington

it's not so bad when you look at. if you compare experience, i'm not even in the top 5,000,000 for those who flee war. but i refuse to compare experiences because this war is a devastation for many, many, many.

friends and their loved ones live on both sides of the israeli-lebanese border. i am talking to lebanese friends every day and emailing israeli friends every day. we are listening to each other, giving space when emotions offend intellectual reason, and empathizing with civilian tragedy. every time i read an email from israel or talk to someone in lebanon i think there is some opening, a gap of hope in a war that seems to be characterized by the deliberate constriction of the means and space to live.

check out this chat forum, a dialogue between lebanese and israelis.